Tis the Season of Expectations. Yes, joy and anticipation enter this time of holiday preparation, but no matter how much we try to celebrate the quiet expectation of Advent, no matter how much we tell yourselves that this year, we will stay grounded in the “reason for the season,” by that night before Christmas we are often frazzled, frayed, and wilted beyond repair. And then the next year’s holiday season arrives, we make the same vows, and the cycle repeats.
My own approach to the season has been flawed, and the fundamental crack in the foundation that could be my own joy and peace, is expectation. Expectations are inherently flawed for so many of us, because we “do” them wrong. My most frequent error is that my expectations of another are all in my head, never uttered aloud because, really, why WOULDN’T the other person just know what I need and want in any situation? Another error I make is establishing unrealistic expectations, most often of myself. Those two errors in thinking are wrapped up in a giant glittered bowed box with “Holidays” calligraphied all over the front.
There are four useful guidelines to think about when managing expectations, either those we impose on ourselves, or those we impose on others. First, is this expectation conscious? Have we named it, given words to exactly what it is that we are hoping for? Second, has this expectation been clearly communicated to the other person or persons? Third, is this expectation agreed upon? And finally, is the expectation realistic?
Carry these questions around in your mind as you traverse these next few weeks, navigating many obligations real and perceived. Notice when you’re uncomfortable and ponder the possibility that there’s a hidden expectation causing that discomfort, usually one imposed on ourselves. Go through these four questions and notice where there might be gaps or missing information. Doing this exercise for my own self, over and over again (it is a practice) has allowed me to find more grace and compassion for my own impatience during this season, and that space has allowed some of the joy and anticipation back to the fore.
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