There is a phrase commonly used in traditional recovery circles that makes me bristle: You have to do “The Work.” Associated with that, any “relapse” is linked, with shame and blame, to not having done The Work.
The word “work” for most of us comes with negative connotations: drudgery, chore, forced task, effort, labor, job. Most often, thinking of doing “work” comes with negative emotions:
overwhelm, annoyance, anxiety, guilt, powerlessness. Those negative emotions tied with the word “work” are deeply ingrained in most of us from young ages.
We grow up hearing our parents complain about “work.” We complain about “work” when it steals away a beautiful summer day during our first job as a teenager. We are anxious with any small or large change in our “work” environment, be it personnel or infrastructure. And we tie “work” to our own economic survival.
Given this morass of negative meaning and negative emotion, it is difficult to imagine doing “work” in substance use disorder or any kind of habit change with anything but “have to” energy. And underneath the surface, easily accessible, lies shame, blame, guilt, and resentment, the negative emotions fueling the fire. Meaningful positive change thus becomes unreachable and unsustainable.
My own “work” as it relates to substance use has not followed the convention of the traditional recovery model. I have not taken a personal moral inventory, I have not expressed my powerlessness over the substance, I have not turned myself over to a higher power, and I have not made amends to those I have harmed. Further, my “work” has not followed a linear proscribed path, from which an off-road meander is strictly frowned upon.
Instead, I have set out on a Hero’s journey with intention. I have left shame, blame, guilt, and self-loathing at the entrance to the dark forest that is my Self, recognizing that those emotions bar me from the forest, rather than allow me into its depths. Those negative emotions, while protective, keep me small and contained. Curiosity now is my superpower, and whatever monsters I may encounter on my journey to the Deep Within, they cannot harm me when they are met with curiosity rather than judgment.
I am on an adventure of discovery. This forest is dense and thick, but then I stumble on a glorious sunny meadow that sustains me through the next leg of dark forest. Each new discovery uncovers side paths to be explored, and each one of those holds its own secretly beautiful sunny meadows. I am full of excitement and anticipation, rather than limited and caged by fear and doubt.
This is not work. It’s discovery, it’s exploration, it’s my journey of a lifetime. Embark on your own. It’s the best trip you’ll ever take.
Jenie
So true 😍